5 Types of Guys You’ll Most Likely Meet

By Keira Wallace

Lately it seems that everyone is breaking up.  From Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin to my best friend and the local barista, breaking up seems to be the thing to do.  Whether it’s been a mutual decision to consciously uncouple, a hate fuelled spat that turned into a full-blown break up or just a plain old vanilla separation, I’ve often wondered what kind of person the dumpee / dumpor will move onto next.  Is it more likely that after a breakup we subconsciously meet someone similar to our ex or do we seek out the polar opposite?  After much deliberation (cocktails) I have decided that there are at least five types of guys you’re most likely to meet…

 

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The Young Professional

 What he does: Lawyer, Stockbroker, Future Company CEO

Where you’ll meet him: The office, Charity Ball, Whiskey Bar

Pros: Showers daily, can pay rent on time

Cons: Really really liked American Psycho, has mild cocaine problem

Things you can do together: Text

His man crush: Jordan Belfort.  Or more accurately, Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belfort

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The Metrosexual

What he does: Graphic Designer, Fashion Designer, Budding Designer

Where you’ll meet him: The gym, David Jones

Pros: Can share beauty products

Cons: Has better hair than you

Things you can do together: Laser hair removal, Mastercleanse

Secret shame: Is broke

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The Ladies Man

What he does: Bang bitches (occasionally bartends)

Where you’ll meet him: Anyplace that is ripe with opportunity to perform a Barney Stinson-eque style pick-up

Pros: Will buy you drinks

Cons: Has STI

Things you can do together: Have sex

Guilty pleasure: Gay porn

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The SNAG

What he does: Yoga Instructor, Life Coach, Works with animals

Where you’ll meet him: Health retreat, Organic supermarket

Pros: Won’t cheat on you

Cons: Cries, says ‘make love’

Things you can do together: Hug

Listens to: Adele

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The Hipster

What he does: Plays in band, Retail assistant, Photographer, also occasionally bartends

Where you’ll meet him: General Pants Co, a bar you’ve never remotely heard of

Pros: Is cool

Cons: Doesn’t think you’re cool

Things you can do together: Instagram, have in depth discussion about how generic the general public is because of all the generic things they say / do whilst hanging out at a place where everyone else is Hipster

Wears: Bow tie, suspenders, reading glasses – no lenses

About Keira Wallace - Working as a controller in a gentleman’s club for over five years, Keira observes many of the issues that young women face today. Currently, Keira is studying a bachelor of Journalism / Laws.