How to deal with the 5 types of crazy your girlfriend may display

By Sasha Fedorovsky

We women complain about getting a man all the time, once we have a man we complain about him even more. After years of listening to ladies complain and curse their man, I’ve come to realise that sometimes women (including myself) are occasionally down right crazzzzzzzy!!!! I’ve identified the key types of bat-shit-crazy personas displayed and how the girls man should go about dealing with them – in a way that causes minimum drama (and pain for all involved).



1. ‘Paranoid Pam’

If your girlfriend is prone to being a ‘Paranoid Pam’ symptoms will show up early in the relationship, as this is when this persona is at its peak. ‘Paranoid Pam’ is always suspicious, she doesn’t think you’re going to cheat on her – she knows it!

She has harsher interrogation techniques then the KGB and will question you a million times on your night out, unsatisfied until you provide information about every women who may have been in a 100 meter radius of you. Any occasion you leave your phone/facebook/email unattended is an opportunity for snooping or investigating (as she sees it). Paying ‘too much’ attention to other women results in severe punishment.

How to deal with her crazy:

It’s likely your girlfriend has been cheated on in the past, but even more likely that she is the one who has done the cheating. So if she doesn’t trust herself, how could she trust you? The only way to deal with this crazy is to have a long D&M with her stating your values (that you’re not a cheater), that you care about her and that there needs to be trust in the relationship for it to work. Make sure you set your boundaries and stick to them or else your relationship will resemble the feeling of a criminal on parole, with your eyes permanently on the ground in case you accidently make eye contact with cleavage that isn’t your girlfriends.



2. ‘Demanding Danny’

‘Demanding Danny’ is always nagging, always complaining and whatever you do it’s always WRONG! You don’t make enough money, you don’t dress right, you said the wrong thing…even though last time that’s what she told you to say!

How to deal with her crazy:

You need to kill this monster early if you want to own your balls in this relationship. Your girlfriend is obviously frustrated, yes you probably frustrate her a little bit but the truth is she is frustrated with herself and she takes it out on you. This behaviour is very unhealthy in a relationship and particularly for any future babies you might make. In this scenario you need to man up, just like a misbehaving child crying out for attention your girlfriend wants to be put in her place. Do it once and then don’t buy into her arguing or else all hell will break loose in your relationship. Try to understand her and help her recognise where all her anger and stress is coming from…then pray to the gods that she will see the light.



3. ‘Flirty Fran’

Revealing a little bit too much cleavage when your friends are around identifies ‘Flirty Fran’; she constantly recalls stories of other men wanting her and usually displays over the top flirtation with anyone possessing a penis.

How to deal with her crazy:

If you are the man of a ‘Flirty Fran’ then it’s likely that you hardly even notice this behaviour and thereby possibly turn a blind eye – which is part of the reason for it. Your friends are all but too aware of this trait in your girlfriend’s persona and either hate her or have banged her behind your back. The best way to eliminate this behaviour is to identify it by bringing it up with her and most of all PAY ATTENTION to her so she doesn’t try to get it from every Tom, Dick and Harry.



4. ‘Needy Nancy’

‘Needy Nancy’ is one annoying bitch; she is constantly sulking and has an unhealthy need for your love and attention. You need to validate this girl all the time or else she thinks that you don’t care, don’t love her and don’t want to be with her…Basically the waterworks come out over anything and everything which drains your life, leaving you questioning why you are in a relationship… then you remember it’s because she does everything for you and makes you feel 100% secure with her, oh and maybe you love her.

How to deal with her crazy:

Lets begin with the fact that this girl was needy before she met you and that she is likely to have some issues from her childhood, so not so simple to deal with. If you care about this girl try and get her to help herself, possibly get to some couples counselling and hope that the therapists suggests that she needs one on one therapy. All you can do is be supportive and show her love, but be warned, attention to her is an addiction that can never be satisfied. For ‘Needy Nancy’ to go away you need to make her realise that she needs to help herself in order to help your relationship.



5. ‘Handbag Hannah’

‘Handbag Hannah’ is the kind of girlfriend who is now no longer the unique human being that you met but simply a shell of a girlfriend who no longer embodies interests, opinions or a personality of her own. ‘Handbag Hannah’ personas come in varied degrees but usually  stems from a boyfriends big ‘personality’ or domineering life, in which the girlfriend gets ensconed in. Symptoms of ‘Handbag Hannah’s’ is only leaving the house to accompany her boyfriend, a fear of making conversation with new people and talking about oneself because her partner usually does all the mental work and social interaction while she stands and nods. ‘Handbag Hannah’ has low self-esteem, a lack of enthusiasm and a constant feeling of being drained. You may be thinking that this is the girlfriend of choice in comparison to the other nut bags listed, but be warned Handbag Hannah’s lack of enthusiasm also spreads to the bedroom and your sex life will diminish with her sense of self!

How to deal with her crazy:

First of all chill out mate, stop hogging all the space in the relationship and pay attention to some of her needs rather then your own. At every opportunity ask her opinion, encourage her to pursue her interests and encourage her to spend time with her friends and maintain her own life. This isn’t likely something you naturally want to encourage as you are very comfortable in the relationship – but boyfriend beware; if you don’t, the mild symptoms of ‘Handbag Hannah’ your girl is displaying may turn into ‘Needy Nancy’.


Well ladies and gentleman you are now aware of the crazy behaviour women can display in relationships. Please share with someone you think needs a reality check and help make the world a slightly saner place.


Peace, Love & kittens…


Love S. xox

About Sasha Fedorovsky - S from 'The V&S Show'!