Meet Your First Russian Girlfriend
After the popularity of V’s last post ‘Meet Your First Black Girlfriend’, I thought it was my duty to clarify how best to date a Russian girl (or any lady from the former USSR for that matter, but I’ll say Russian for simplicities sake).
After hearing so many stories from men who had dated Russian women and their takes on the relationship, combined with my own strange views on a relationship and recently going back to the old country, I have come to the conclusion that women from the former soviet union need to be handled a little differently and have quite a unique set of needs and desires when it comes to a relationship. Here is a step-by-step guide for your first Russian girlfriend…
1. Be the Man – Not Her Mate
The first rule on courting and sustaining a relationship with a Russian girl is to always act like the man! Even if you don’t see yourself as the most macho type, fake it. Russian women are a strong sort and are repulsed by weak, needy men. If you ever feel like equals in the relationship, or worse she begins to take charge- you won’t last. In her mind you always need to play the role of the man so she can play the role of the woman…In other words you’re always in the drivers seat, even if she is actually the one navigating.
She doesn’t want you to be her ‘mate’, so don’t treat her the way you would one of your boys. Treat her like a princess but make sure you make it clear who is boss – don’t worry she’ll play along and won’t give you any feminist backlash either.
2. Always Flip the Bill
This is a non-negotiable in the courting period. If you don’t enjoy taking a woman out and flipping the bill, don’t date a Russian girl. Just to clarify: when I said ‘enjoy’ I didn’t mean ‘don’t mind’ or hope that she will go Dutch after a few dates – I mean ENJOY. It’s not just about paying the bill it’s also how you do it, so do it as discreetly as possible so she doesn’t even have time to offer. Never talk about how expensive the date is or how much it is costing, this is just as bad as not paying.
It is a cultural norm for the man to take care of a woman, so you may not even get many thanks for the damage you inflicted on your credit card. However it does pay off in other ways as it establishes your role as the man in her eyes.
3. Be Prepared for the Cold
It is not uncommon for a Russian woman to act cold and aloufe at first and not hesitate telling you what they don’t like about you very early on in the relationship. Don’t worry this is just the testing period where she gathers information about you and tests your limits. Most people from the former Soviet Union don’t wear rose coloured glasses through life. That, combined with the fact that she doesn’t know you from a bar of soap will mean that she will take her time getting to know you and your intentions before she opens up to you and starts showing you any form of openness and affection.
This may seem unpleasant at first because men love their egos stroked above anything else, however it is well worth the wait because once you have broken the ice and won her trust… her affection will be reserved just for you.
4. No Need to Over Groom… PLEASE. no. need.
Good looks aren’t high on her list of priorities in a man. Taking too much pride in your appearance and being overly fashion forward will turn her off. Spend more time focusing on her beauty rather than yours. If she doesn’t like the way you dress, don’t worry it won’t turn her off, if she doesn’t like it she won’t shy from doing something about it. Any qualities that are seen as overly feminine such as waxing and getting excited about going shopping are not appreciated.
The good news is that if you end up together for the long run she will make it a priority to keep herself groomed and maintained for you even if you don’t put in the same effort.
5. Being Jealous & Expressing Your Self is a Must
Russian women will not hesitate to create a scene, tell you what they don’t like and will often become quite territorial about their partner. In order to counter balance rivalry, show a little bit of jealousy (when appropriate) and tell her how you feel about her often. She wants you to express your love and admiration for her and won’t simply know how you feel about her by just being with her. If you have female friends they will be treated with great suspicion and checking out other women is not recommended and can be done at your own risk.
If you are good to her and make her feel special, her icy exterior will melt and she will show you a level of warmth and affection that you never expected.
6. She isn’t Conservative But Don’t Push Your Luck
Most Russian women are not particularly conservative in their views and generally very open-minded. So you can breath a sigh of relief if you have a not so perfect past, there aren’t too many things that you have done that will faze her as long as you are good to her. You can be open in your relationship, she doesn’t expect you to be a saint and she most likely isn’t one her self (but you will probably never know all the details).
If you have done something wrong always show how sorry you are with over the top gestures, gifts are always welcomed. She will forgive you at least the first time for most things, but be warned she won’t forget.
7. When Meeting the Parents Don’t Show Weakness
The first time you meet her parents you are there to prove yourself; they know it, you know it and they won’t try and hide it with friendly small talk, so come prepared. Don’t be surprised if you are quizzed about your family, life aspirations and financial status in the first 10 minutes of meeting her folks, but no matter how intimidating her dad is or the inappropriateness of her mums questions whatever you do don’t. show. weakness.
Russian parents smell fear and once they do it’s down hill for you. Show confidence and strength and you will gain their respect. You will know you have passed the first test once they start making jokes. Oh yeah, always come hungry and say yes to the food you are offered – not eating is a big no, no!
Good luck gentlemen ;)
Love S. xoxo