New Year Resolutions for the 4 Types of People in your Life That ‘Do Your Head in’

By Sasha Fedorovsky

The relationships and interactions we have with people is what shapes our lives and the experiences we have on a day-to-day basis. That’s why new years resolutions for the top 4 most annoying types people in your life and strategies to deal with them should be at the top of your list…


1. The Office Biatch

This is the kind of human being you just want to delete from your life. This species is commonly found but not limited to an office job, where boredom intensifies her status of bitch to pure evil. The difficulty with this type of character in the work place is that they have mastered the art of making snide remarks in a way that is somehow still within some acceptable boundaries. Being in a work setting it is all the more difficult to deal with such a creature. At high school you could call her an ugly whore and be done with the beast, but with all that political correctness in the corporate world that probably will not be the best remedy. The urge to give her a jab in the mouth or throw a stapler at her head may be strong, but you know that shit won’t fly with your boss either. The only way to kill this monster and providing you with the same satisfaction as flushing her head down the toilet is to hit her with ‘the truth’ and hold her accountable for her bad behavior.

The truth to the Office Biatch is like the word commitment to a player; you pull it out enough times and they won’t come near you. You see, mean spirited people who make it their full time job to gossip, backstab and put other people down usually hate themselves and act this way to enhance their ego, by putting a mirror up to this character in the form of ‘the truth’ you will be hitting them where it hurts while maintaining your level of professionalism. Simple bitches like these need to be trained like Pavlov trained his dogs – but instead of positive reinforcement (that’s what you use on your boyfriend) you put in negative reinforcement.

So, next time the Office Biatch makes one of her snide remarks, don’t sit there in silence grinding your teeth – hit her with the truth, making her question her remark and wait for her discomfort to set in. If you respond like this each time, she will associate her bad behavior with your confronting response and will avoid you like the plague for fear of getting stung in the future. This is negative re-inforcement in action in the form of comments that make her aware of her ugly behavior. Abra codabra the bitch is gone!


2. The Douchebag Dude

If you’re single you probably have a douchie Dude running around somewhere. Maybe you are ‘dating’ him – but not really dating because he can’t commit to just one girl…or you want to date him, but the only dates he makes with you are after midnight via a drunken text message…Or the douche that takes you out and always forgets his wallet. Douchebag dudes come in all forms of douche and their shades are limitless. An easy test to identify who fits this category is simple: any guy you are interested in, who somehow always manages to disappoint you and not give you the respect you need.

Unlike the office bitch, who is unavoidable, the Douchebag Dude is a character you can actually get rid of and you don’t need any magic to make him disappear. All it takes is one text and a bit of self-control. Depending on his level of douchi-ness the text can be structured along the lines of:

‘I think it’s best we go our separate ways…’ to

‘It’s been fun, but now go get F***** and stay there’.

Pretty easy stuff really.



3. The Frenemy

This is the friend that always makes you want to pull you hair out – well you would rather pull hers but since you are actually friends, no such luck. No one’s perfect and girls will be girls and it’s not uncommon for us to have our dramas, however this ‘friend’ takes out daytime TV for all her drama! This girl is always stirring the water and can often leave you wondering what her intentions actually are.

A need for attention, jealousy, low self esteem and a build up of negative friendship history are common causes of frenemie symptoms. This relationship is a little more complex then the two above as this person is technically your friend. It’s possible that you aren’t that perfect either, for example; if you accidently slipped and fell on her boyfriends penis a while back then she may have some valid reasons for hating on you. This is a case that may need some thought and a couple of D&M’s. However, after that if the idea of a coffee with her gives you anxiety it’s probably time to call it quits.



4. The Doomsday Family Member

The doomsday F.M is someone who is related to you by blood and genuinely loves you but always manages to find some faults in you and has the gift of predicting each situation in your life as a worse case scenario. If you have an ethnic family there is definitely more than one such person and more likely a sprinkling of this in everyone. The thing about family is that there is really no filter on “honesty”; your family will care about you like they do about themselves, if not more.

For example if you tried on a dress that made you look like a gorilla:

  • Your friend might say that you look ‘cute’,
  • You would say that you look like a gorilla,
  • Your family will tell you that you look like a fat gorilla and list all the types of things that don’t suit you.

The Doomsday F.M has good intentions, however this doesn’t really make interactions with them anymore fun. At the end of the day there aren’t many people that will love you and lend you money interest free like your family will. The best thing you can do is to take their words with a grain of salt (or a few bags) and suck it up! No one likes hearing negative things all the time but words can only hurt if what is said has some truth for you. So get a sense of humor or just harden up those soft spots and remember they are coming from a good place and try your hardest to smile because you just may need to borrow a kidney one day!



Now with your people resolutions sorted you can get on with resolving not to eat crap, talk crap and spend your cash on crap.

Good luck and happy 2014!

Love S. XOX

About Sasha Fedorovsky - S from 'The V&S Show'!