Is your ‘friend with benefits’ really your friend?
So, you’re on your way home from work and your car breaks down five minutes from home. You try to call some mates and the only one who answers is your ‘friend with benefits’, who lives right near you. He’s finished work already and just got home. You ask him if he can come back out again to pick you up and he says…
“Nah I can’t sorry, I’m just about to have a beer.”
Is he your friend. No way. He might be good for casual sex but he’s definitely not a friend of yours. He wants absolutely nothing more from you than sex, even if he does have a beer and a chat with you down the pub. But I guess you’ve gotta admire his commitment to the ‘sex only’ arrangement. If you’re happy to keep him around purely for sex, then go for it, but don’t expect a single thing more - just make sure it’s all about what you want, and if it’s not then move on.
“Oh jees I would but I really don’t want to go out in the traffic. If you can’t find anyone else then I’ll come and get you.”
Is he your friend? Nope. The only reason you even got that out of him is because he’s scared you won’t hook up next time he wants it. This guy is the worst kind, and the one who learnt very quickly to cash in on the ‘friends with benefits trend’ – he’s the one who parades as a mate but really sees you as nothing more than sex. Get rid of him, he’s dishonest and you’ll never get anything more from him.
“Yeah of course, mate, I’ll be there in 5.”
Is he your friend? Yes. But he won’t be as soon as you stop having sex. There is only one difference between boyfriend-girlfriend and friends – it’s not commitment, emotions or monogamy, it’s sex – any type of sexual contact. No matter how you want to label it, he is your boyfriend in a casual, non-monogamous relationship. So, while you might be friends now, eventually one of you will want more, or will want to move on – and when that happens you will now become the ex. While some people do value this type of relationship, that’s not you, otherwise you wouldn’t hesitate to call him a boyfriend. So if you’re not happy in a non-monogamous relationship, it could be time to pull the plug.
If you decide to let your friend with benefits go, it’s time to DIY – after all, you don’t need a man when you’re horny, you need an orgasm.