Same shit different dude
You know what I’m talking about… It’s when you seem to attract the same type of relationship (new guy but with the same old problems) over and over again. It sounds pretty crazy that out of all the people you could be meeting you are somehow finding the ones that act exactly the same! You’re not alone, on observing your friends’ relationship history they will also have a pattern.
So what is the meaning of this relationship Ground hog Day and why is happening? Well let me begin with saying the issue isn’t with the guys, the issue is with you because you are the common denominator in all these failed relationships. The same goes for your friendships, work relationships and any other problems you face on a re-occurring basis.
However, don’t take it personally it has nothing to do with your qualities, characteristics and it is never about the way you look. Changing any of these will only change your problem on a superficial level. The real reason is much deeper it is based on our subconscious mind and the true feelings we have about what it is we ‘want’ and ‘deserve’ e.g. On a conscious level we may not accept a partner who cheats, but for some reason we turn a blind eye to behaviors that aren’t congruent with a faithful partner.
That being the case – are we conditioned to endless self-sabotage due to incongruence between our conscious and unconscious mind? The good news is NO! We can break our patterns and meet the man we truly desire, and it has nothing to do with looking for him in the right places! You can meet the same kind of douche at the library or the strip club (reading and enjoying a perve are not mutually exclusive interests).
Here are 3 steps to help breaking your ‘pattern’ and being on the path to meeting Mr. Right…
1. Get to know yourself (no toys required)
Women often complain that they attract the wrong guys, but if you ask them what kind of man they want they will have no idea. Or even more damaging is a woman who ‘knows’ what she wants in a man but has no idea why she wants it. It’s no different to going for a job because it has a great title, but hating the role itself. That’s why it’s so important to spend some time with yourself and get to know what you really want. Decide why you want a relationship, do you want to get married and have children or are you just trying to escape yourself? Maybe you just need a hobby.
Once you know WHY you want to be in a relationship and what kind of man you are looking for, it’s time to access yourself. I admit its no easy task to honestly critic yourself and make the necessary changes, but if you don’t you will find somebody just as crazy as you are! For example the girl that thinks she’s unworthy deep down will always find a man to show her just how unworthy she is.
Develop yourself and be the kind of person you want to meet, learn from your relationship history and then DELETE it because jaded, angry people who are afraid of being hurt again can’t be in healthy relationships. Your past is not your future and just because it happened before does not mean it will happen again, unless of course you didn’t learn the first time… BA BOW!
2. Learn your lessons (life’s lil’ initiation)
We may not understand why things happen to us when they do, but eventually time brings some clarity to difficult situations. Life is a learning experience and if we don’t learn from our experiences we are forced to repeat them over and over until we do. The people in our lives act as our mirrors and the intimate relationship we have with our partner is a key one to our growth that helps us to understand ourselves. Even a ‘bad’ relationship is not a waste of time because it is an experience that we needed to learn more about ourselves and we stayed in it for as long as we needed to learn those lessons. Two people following their personal paths side-by-side, learning from each other as they go characterize a good relationship.
Never BLAME the other person for what they did TO YOU, no matter how badly they broke your heart. There is no win in being a victim; you are giving away your power in not recognizing your own responsibility in allowing certain situations to occur. It’s not about blame and there is no need to feel bad about yourself it is just about recognizing how you played a role in creating a situation and how you can create positive situations rather then negative ones the next time round. Taking responsibility and analyzing your lessons counteracts the feelings of anger, hurt and resentment, which are some of the most detrimental feelings that come out of bad relationships. They are detrimental not only detrimental to your state of mind but can go as far as your body, so whatever you do clean your mind of all anger and learn your lessons instead.
3. Know your worth (not talking ‘bout gold honey)
Knowing your worth is setting the basic level of respect that you expect to be treated with. This is a non-negotiable level that you don’t budge on… no matter how ‘amazing’ he is. Setting the standard of how you expect to be treated all comes down to knowing your-self and caring about yourself enough to have the confidence to not accept anything below it. Whatever you do don’t be slack on this one, because the level to which you set the bar is the level at which men will approach you. Remember, it’s much easier to put the ‘rules’ in place from the get-go then enforcing changes down the line.
Actions will ALWAYS speak louder then words. Lets do a little quiz to highlight the point…
If you are after a serious committed relationship and your new interest has sent you a late night text for a late night rendezvous (sound romantic in French not so much in English) do you…
A. Meet up with him and tell him that ‘you’re not that kind of girl’ (you really like him and will use all your will power not to sleep with him and hope he will think you are a keeper in the morning after a night of cuddles)
B. Insulted by the fact that he is trying to get a booty call instead of taking you out for dinner, you call him and question his motives (you really hope to reassure yourself that he likes you so much that he just can’t hold back from seeing you)
C. Don’t reply…Ever. Unless he puts two and two together and realizes where your bar is set.
The correct answer is C! Most of our communication is non-verbal, it’s not what you are trying to communicate it’s how you do it. Being clear initially is very important, a man will try as hard as you expect them to if they are interested, no more no less, so it’s up to you to set your standard or forever be disappointed.
Breaking your relationship cycle and attracting the ‘right’ man follows a similar method to any other goal you set. It always involves having a clear reason and desired result in your mind, being disciplined in your actions towards reaching your goal and being optimistic and determined despite any bumps along the way. You will notice that once you have followed these steps and you genuinely accept nothing less then your set standard, then that is what you will get. Oh, there is one other ingredient to this method… patience.
“You can’t hurry love”
Love S. xox