Sexual Dreams – Why We Have Them

By The Dream Alchemist

Many women confide that they regularly have very graphic sexual dreams and wonder if this is “normal” and what might be sparking such dreams. Some women enjoy these nightly sexual rendezvous’ while others are haunted by them and manifest signs of stress. The reasons behind sexual dreams lie tangled in an energetic and psychological minefield but the ends of these tangled threads ultimately lead to our thoughts whether they are conscious or subconscious.


What is normal for a woman to be dreaming? This really isn’t the right question to be asking; what is normal anyway? Isn’t normal merely a reflection of what is socially accepted at any given time? Trying to fit our inner dreaming world into an outer social construct is never an idea that will fare us well. If you are asking this question take a look at how you feel about how you fit into society and how much weight you place on what others may think of you. Also examine your general attitudes towards sex, you may need to work through some out-dated beliefs and adjust your thinking. We can never step into being our true limitless selves if we live by the constraints of society and accept all of the shame and guilt it would happily inflict upon us.


The question we really should be asking is; are sexual dreams normal for me in my current situation? Each one of us is different and at different levels of awareness and consciousness; what is normal for one may be abnormal for another; for example, it would be abnormal for someone who is celibate and actively working on transcending sexual appetites to have sexual dreams but it would be normal for a new bride to have sex related dreams as she struggles with her new marital relationship and all that that entails including the balance of power. Consider your current situation and ask yourself why these dreams might be occurring. Is your current sex life fulfilling or are you fantasising about what you want but are afraid to ask for? Are you constantly thinking or talking about sex during the day for it is guaranteed that where our thoughts go our energy flows and dreams aren’t far behind. So the first check point is to review thoughts from the day or days prior to the dream.


One thing our society has greatly contributed to over the centuries is sexual hang-ups. Depending on our age, we may have had parents or grandparents that carry a great deal of shame and guilt about sex simply because it was the way they were raised. In their day it was not spoken of, it was considered dirty, sinful and shameful, especially if we went beyond duty and actually enjoyed it. Have we inherited these attitudes? Yes absolutely! In some people they may be more conscious and in others they may only be subconscious but they are there pumping toxic thought patterns into our psychological and energetic systems.


The trick is to not hide or bury these thoughts but to bring them to the surface for examination and replace these faulty beliefs with ones that serve us in the present moment. If we keep at it, eventually the new thoughts will overwrite the old patterns. In this process alone our dreams are extremely helpful; they will show us a time or times when we may not have treated someone with respect, when we have not honoured ourselves, when we have been unloving or used sex to manipulate another. All need to be acknowledged, learned from, forgiven and let go. So as not to cause ourselves internal confusion, and hence generate dreams, we need to be very clear about what we believe about sex and what our own moral code of conduct will allow us to do. Our consciousness is ever looking for homeostatic balance. If our actions are incongruous to our beliefs then we will try to correct this internal stress through any means necessary including dreams.


About The Dream Alchemist - Julie-Anne Michael has been recording and working with her own dreams since 2001 and is now sharing all she has harnessed to help others with their dreamwork. Julie-Anne's training in coaching, counselling, soul psychology and healing provide a solid foundation for her work. Client's dreams are utilised to form the main platform for all coaching and counselling and through this work Julie-Anne maintains the focus of not only helping the client know themselves but also on connecting them with their soul.