The “Confused Bloke” – an evolution from the metrosexual

By Sasha Fedorovsky

The 90’s brought the SNAG (sensitive new age guy), then there was the ‘metrosexual’, from which evolved a new breed of men that seems to be popping up everywhere, who I have decided to label the ‘Confused Bloke’ (to keep things simple and straight to the point). The Confused Bloke, like his predecessor the ‘Metro’ takes extreme care of his appearance and always wears the appropriate shoes with his outfit, he looks after himself and has direction in life, however when it comes to women, relationships and the role he plays in these circumstances he is one hell of a confused bloke!

The Confused Bloke has been found lurking in Melbourne’s trendy bars and restaurants, it’s likely by now that this breed is popping up around Australia. Many women are suffering severe frustration and disappointment after an encounter with the “Confused Bloke”. Unlike the SNAG and the Metro, who both served a valuable purpose in the behavior of men in our society, the Confused Bloke is definitely a step backwards and irritating the hell out of women nation wide! The trend is predominantly affecting inner city suburbs, however if action isn’t taken to stop this epidemic, symptoms have the potential to spread to the blokiest of regions of our country.

In an effort to bring awareness to this contagious trend I have highlighted the key behavior of the Confused Bloke, in hope that he mans the F up and disappears forever…ever…ever…and ever!


The Confused Bloke Test:

If he matches 1 or more of these descriptions he is a ‘Confused Bloke’ through and through…



1. Apparently you’re straight…but all my friends think your gay?


This is a very confusing scenario of the straight guy whose fashion sense is so good that when you introduce him to your friends they instantly think he is gay…on getting to know him they are certain he is gay. This is the guy you meet and are really unsure if he wants to be your BF or BFF. He’s told you about his previous relationships (with females), but takes a while to make the first move. Even if you do end up getting physical with him, there are things that he says that always make you question…It’s a very, very confusing scenario for all parties involved.

I’m all for a man who can dress however your appearance is the way you express yourself and your personality to other people. Currently you are really confusing everyone – have you ever wondered why you are always in the ‘friend zone’ with girls you like or waaay to many dudes give you the eye? I’m not saying to dress like crap but maybe, just maybe, it’s time for a make-under and a little less talk about the designer brands you love. This is no different to a girl who dresses like a hoe but is actually very sweet and good natured and wants a serious relationship – dressing like Lil’ Kim sends the wrong messages and attracts all the wrong attention…See what I’m saying.




2. You keep contacting me but we never actually meet?


This is a far more serious symptom; where a bloke no longer knows his role and is waiting for a ‘signal’ from the woman (more like an open invitation and a limo at his front door). He no longer sees himself as the ‘hunter’ and usually never gets to the point of actually making physical contact with his prospect because he is still waiting for a signal. Occasionally he is lucky enough to encounter a woman (who no longer has any patience/ extremely intoxicated) that throws herself at him and that is where he will go…

No ladies and gentleman this is not the way the game should be played, it completely confuses the dynamics! It is a mans role to do the courting, when I say courting I mean initiating the dates, not sending bland and extremely ‘safe’ text messages in order to avoid rejection at all cost… Gentlemen, I implore you; lift your game and remember you are the one born with the testicles – so use them.




3. I’ve spelled out exactly what to do… so why are you still confused?


By some miracle, if the Confused Bloke finds himself in a relationship (usually instigated by the female and he is still wondering what act of god got to him to this place), it doesn’t necessarily mean he will finally figure out what he is doing. The confused bloke is confused all the way, even when his girlfriend spells out exactly what the problem is and the steps he needs to take to get from A to B to solve it. Clearly by this stage she has decided to save herself the energy of applying ‘silent treatment’, guilt and mind games because the Confused Bloke doesn’t stand a chance.

When a woman gives up on mind games and wanting her boyfriend to do something without her telling him, take it as a sign that the situation is dire! The bloke is past the point of mild confusion, predominately stemming from a lack of game and an acute fear of rejection. He is now confused to the point where he no longer knows himself and what he actually wants.

At this point it’s time for some soul searching blokes; knowing what you want and who you want it with. Be a decision maker, be the man and take action or else your girl will end up playing the role of your mama (and not in a kinky Latin way, but in a sad pathetic way).



To all the ladies, I’m sorry to say that there is no identified way to rid a man of Confused Bloke symptoms. It is up to the men to take it upon themselves and lift their game. All we can do at this point is bring awareness to the situation, so please share this post to shed light on this modern day dating dilemma  :P


Love S. xox


About Sasha Fedorovsky - S from 'The V&S Show'!