The difference in how men and women cheat
After many deep conversations, interviews and flat out bitch sessions with the cheaters, the cheated-on, and the friends of both… I’ve been led to the following general consensus on the subject of cheating…
Men generally cheat for ‘physical’ reasons, where as women’s cheating is often ‘emotional’. In other words the difference in the genders is that men will continue to cheat and return to their long to term partner and family, with no intention to leave their original partner. Where as women, after long term cheating will likely leave their partner for the new partner. So in that sense men cheat for short term thrills with little emotional involvement, where as women take on a new ‘boyfriend’ and the emotional investment that comes with it, outside the original relationship.
Often people are quick to denounce cheating as wrong, immoral and the cheater as the culprit in a happy relationship, who can no longer be trusted, therefore one must break up with the cheater immediately. However, it’s not always that simple because not all cheaters are the same and cheating is always a symptom of a greater problem in an individual or relationship. Before you throw out the baby with the bath water, or turn a blind eye to a ‘Charlie Sheen’ syndrome, it’s best to assess if your cheater can be reformed or if you will just end up with an STD…
THE MALE CHEATER PROFILES
1. Every hole is a goal
This is the dude who can’t keep his penis in his pants and thinks it is part of his genetic makeup to spread his seed – wherever he sees soil. Think Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the likes. These men will bang to their hearts desire anything that comes their way, from models to hookers and all in between. Don’t think that the bed, ring or child you share will stop this man from cheating on you. It’s part of his nature, he believes he is entitled to it and will never stop.
It’s not that he doesn’t necessarily love you, he may…but it won’t stop him from getting ‘loving’ everyone else. The cause of this behavior is often a massive ego that constantly needs to be fed, sex-addiction, or a nasty fetish that he can’t take out on his ‘wife’. The most likely cause though is that he is a disrespectful prick, so throw out his shit quick smart and change the locks because this one will deny his crimes and show no remorse.
2. It only happened once, allegedly
This douch isn’t a serial cheater; he only did it once (he claims). It was a moment of weakness, some special attention (that he complained you never show him) or pleads being under the influence. He swears it will never happen again, is showing deep remorse and is suicidal at the thought of you leaving him. If he confessed to his one time crime then at least it shows he has a conscience and is honest (or shit scared to lie to you). It’s very likely that under the right circumstances he won’t do it again. This type of cheating doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, the deal breaker is that your man is weak, lacking self-discipline, has poor decision making abilities and a bout low self esteem. If you stay with him make sure these qualities are worked on, you may even have to constantly make him feel good about himself and prove to him that he does deserve you… have fun.
The other scenario is that you caught him in the act or found clues of his affair, he confesses (because the evidence is all incriminating) and shows remorse like the above scenario. Look, maybe it’s a one off, but the question resides with you and whether you can still trust him, or will this turn you into a full time detective. Try to understand the reasons why he did what he did, and if it’s completely inconsistent with his character and goes against all his ‘morals’ then it’s likely you can go-on trusting him.
THE FEMALE CHEATER
1. The ‘other boyfriend’
If your woman is in a relationship with another man (also known as having an affair that is not purely sexual) then she is probably over you but too scared to be alone. If you are away all the time and pay her no attention, well that’s not really a formula for success, but it’s still her who has chosen to take the moral low and make use of your un-availability.
For her to have a whole other relationship says; your relationship is being held together by a string (or a credit card). If you want to be in a happy and healthy relationship then dump her ass over to him! However if you want an easy relationship that keeps itself going well just turn a blind eye and give her ample warning before you get home.
2. Can’t stop slipping and falling on a penis
Your girlfriend is a little bit too sexual, and not just in the sheets – and not just with you either. She is addicted to attention from male ‘admirers’ and your attention alone will never fulfill her, well maybe for a while when your relationship is perfect…but before long she will be back to her old ways.
Obviously she has a few issues and her self-worth is held up by men desiring her, so whether it’s, flirting, a dance or a kiss she will always cross the boundaries and never admit it either. If that spells wifey to you then be my guest…just make sure you take a large dose of denial and a drink it down with a cup of ‘oblivious to the fact that everyone else knows’.
A partner who cheats is never innocent, however all scenarios are different and we should always question our own behavior in the relationship otherwise we may just find ourselves with another cheater…
Happy investigating ;)
Love S. xox