Treating Your Love Life as a Business – Cutting Emotional Costs & Poor Decision Making
I’ve always thought that you should go through life with a vision, knowing what you want and heading in that direction or else you will wake up one day to find yourself in a life you never signed up for. After a dramatic breakup, I decided that my attitude towards a relationship had to follow the same formula.
Although a serious relationship was not in my sights at the time, I realised that I could not take any risks and give my love to just anyone because when you fall for someone… the way you feel takes over and you overlook any fatal flaws in their personality. It’s kind of like not thinking about calories when eating a family block of chocolate – it feels amazing in the moment but when all the chocolate is gone and all you have is the wrapper and things aren’t so pretty.
We make plans, goals and visions for creating our careers, finances and even our wardrobes, doesn’t it seem a bit irresponsible and even stupid to leave the type of person we share our life with up to chance?
I was determined not to fall for the ‘wrong person’, because even though I felt strongly about what I did and didn’t want, post breakup there was no telling what my hormonal, loved crazed future self may do when the lessons of the past breakup are just a distant memory. I knew I had to assist ‘fate’ and begin steering myself in the right direction of my perfect mate.
I’m no believer in ‘searching’ for the right man, like he is a handbag to go with your hot new shoes or finding one and thinking you can mould him into something much better overtime. My logic was that Mr. Right would come into my life at the right time, but in order to insure this I had to steer clear of all the Mr. Wrong’s that could lead me astray along the way.
I decided that my female instincts and emotions could no longer be trusted and I had to approach my love life more like a business (no, not like that), but with a plan and with a set of rules that would ensure I stayed on the right dating path avoiding all unnecessary heartbreak, distractions and delusions that Mr. Wrong could bring.
In this new approach to relationships, my weapon of choice was a cross between ‘The Secret’ and thinking like a man. So this is what I did…
I began by writing ‘The List’
If your not familiar with the list it is when a girl gets fed up with the losers she keeps attracting and creates a list of the qualities her ideal partner will have. The aim of the list isn’t to run from date to date with your checklist and tick of qualities as you go, but rather a way to formulate a vision in your mind of the kind of man you want to attract.
This list is a great way of avoiding a detrimental female behaviour of going for a guy because he is breathing and has a penis. Rationalising that he will be a good enough boyfriend and the minor details (such as him being a douche) will work themselves out later.
If you are like me it may also make you realise that majority of the population is pretty much crossed out as a potential Mr. Right. I know at this point you are probably hearing a ‘good friend’ or more likely an overly concerned relative saying ‘don’t be so picky or you will die alone!’ Don’t listen; they speak out of fear or to justify their own poor relationship decisions. The truth is you don’t meet your Mr. Right every day, but in the meantime you probably will meet a whole bunch of Mr. NQR’s. Wouldn’t it save you so much emotional energy to know what kind of man you want before hand?
It’s been 2.5 years since I wrote my list and I can honestly say that I have attracted completely different types of men then I did pre-list, in fact I did a complete 360 – true story! Another truth is that I have been on a whole lot less dates in the past couple of years, because when you are clear on the kind of partner you want you can see what you don’t want a little bit too clearly!
This is the tricky bit in holding out for a potential Mr. Right, because sparing yourself from unhealthy relationship drama also means not being in a relationship. We all have that ‘friend’ who at a sniff of a man will picture him as ‘the one’ in her mind it’s a relationship (whether he know it or not). A relationship (a real one or in your mind) involves commitment, distraction, drama and heartbreak, why not save all that for someone who is worth it.
It may be due to our female genes but I suspect that society and the media are the culprits for women feeling that just because they want physical intimacy or are attracted to a man then that necessarily needs to involve a committed relationship down the line. Most of us know early on when a guy isn’t right for us but we keep pushing against the facts to ‘make it work’, thinking that we have feeling for him when really we just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of casual sex. This is why all those delusions associated with Mr. Wrong, can be easily eliminated by thinking like a man…
Entering the mind of the opposite sex can be a shocking and confusing process for some, so I will save ‘thinking like a man’ for another post ;)
Do share if you have created a ‘list’ or if you think that its bull crap!